The guide to boundaries: how to set and implement them in your life
Let’s talk about boundaries in your business. Particularly those of you who have always been a 'yes' person. Let me show you how you can to be more willing to stand by your values (for services based businesses or anyone in the coaching space). Let me guide you on how to set and implement boundaries!
It all starts indeed by being clear with your values so you can align your boundaries (physical, emotional, energetic, financial, time, spiritual, etc.).
Being a ‘Yes’ person can show traits of being an avoidant, a co-dependant, a people pleaser. Let me dive further into this!
What is a boundary?
To describe a boundary, it is a form of energy. A verbal or actionable limit that you put in place to honour what you need. It allows you to live in alignment to your complete sense of self.
Imagine your boundaries and the marks you place on them. This mark should not be crossed and is known as the limit you will or will not accept in your life (whether that be in your business, personal life, relationships etc). A boundary can be anything physical, emotional, mental or energetic.
Your boundaries are aligned with your priorities and values
It is also important to start there. Set clear priorities and honour them - focus on the main thing. If it is spending time with family, then organise your schedule around it.
For instance, I love to spend Wednesday afternoons with my eldest Zoe after school and not working or I’d like to have most of my weekends off work so it is written in my contracts with my clients.
So I organise my schedule around it. What’s one rule you could make today to honour your priority?
How to set a boundary
If you are looking to start setting boundaries of course you want to know what boundaries you wish to set. Or where you want to focus your energy.
First what you want to do is decide where you draw the line with each boundary. Check in and ask yourself “what will I not accept?”
State your boundary (you do this by verbalising or writing down your need)
Take action. If this boundary is crossed or a trigger appears (after you have done the work), it is time to take action
These actions allow you to set free a person or the trigger set with a boundary. Maybe it is a difficult conversation, ending a relationship. You need to determine what action you want to take that will increase your self-worth.
Knowing what you deserve will also make these actions a lot easier to take. Know you are not alone. We all have a fear of working through what needs to be done. But the most important thing is to take action when your boundaries have been crossed.
Step into your power and you will be acknowledged.
Awareness and empathy with boundaries
How can we bring more awareness and empathy for the people you are working with but then having those boundaries so you are not feeling depleted post coaching experience?
IT’S WHAT I CALL THE EMPATH SYNDROME: sensitive to other’s feelings and a big heart so we want to help everyone. But we need to create boundaries to recharge and also get grounded and discerned with better judgement where to spend our energy, serving who, etc.
Indeed, it is our third chakra that enables you to set healthy boundaries and to protect yourself by saying no to unhealthy people and situations. It helps you detect unhealthy people and situations and sense when a person’s energy is negative or encroaching on yours. The gut feeling that someone or something isn’t good for you or that someone is draining your energy is your third chakra talking.
Which is something we cover in the Goddess method (third month for the D ~ Discover Your Own Power & Energy. Join the waitlist for the next round!
It is all about making space in our life to recharge. You know how often they, we can’t give from an empty cup. So always feel your cup to make sure you can be of service.
Being clear by stating verbally or writing the expectations. I’m always clear with my clients that they need to take actions and they have to do the work when they work with me to see results.
Taking the time to set energetic boundaries
Before a coaching session, a group session, a women's circle, a ceremony or a training, I’ll make a meditation and set my ‘Pyramid of Light’ (a kind of psychic protection), to step my vibration deeper into love. When we are in service, we step into love.
The key to handling any energy effectively is to have compassion and respect in your heart, combined with a firm boundary and an understanding of the principles of psychic protection.
I use nine cycles of breath and create a protection deeply connected with the earth and the universe.
Navigating being ‘contactable’ all the time as a coach
In my contract, it is clearly stated that I do not answer Voxer (which is the platform I use for my private high level coaching clients) during the weekends.
As mentioned previously, if you take a day off or go on holiday, share it with your clients. I’ve auto reply on my email about this. Being transparent about it is so important. So you manage their expectations and you set yourself free.
It is all about bringing awareness to your own pattern: Are you being driven relentlessly by an inner slave driver?
I’ve shared with my clients inside the ‘Goddess Embodiment Sisterhood’, I shared about the traits of the archetype of INNER FLOW HEROINE Athena.
Lots of us face the fear of becoming like our mothers or other mothers that try and do it all, resulting in chronic exhaustion as we juggle partnerships, children and long working hours in an attempt to maintain our incoming professional status. All we can do to preserve our own aquarium is question our values and priority and make balance life choices
Reflect and share about: What do you do after completing a hard day of work?
Chances are if you have ‘to do list’ longer than your shopping docket.
Try affirming at the end of each day that you are satisfied with what you have accomplished instead of mentally whipping yourself of all the things that you were unable to do. Athena is all about using alliances and networks to achieve her ultimate aim.
She knows that intellect and skill are not enough to achieve her ambitions and knows that mentors, allies, and sponsors are crucial for self development, business development, career development.
Common misconceptions about setting boundaries
A lot of us think that when we set a boundary, we feel good about it. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Often we feel challenged or uncomfortable when we start to set more boundaries.
If we have a low self-worth or are still doing the work, it can be a little confronting. But, what you need to know is it will get easier. Each time you say no or set a boundary, you signal a new neural pathway in your brain. When you do this consistently, you are retraining your brain. It takes time, but it gets easier.
Don’t be hard on yourself, just remember, the boundary is here to help you and to protect your energy.
My experience with boundaries
I’ve been there despite having been grounded in mindfulness since an early age (started meditation at 5-years-old) and my strong spiritual connection(lineage of healers), I lost my way during my years going up the corporate ladder, in Strategy & Management Consulting until I burnt out.
I was exhausted as I forgot who I was and how to honour my divine feminine. I was always feeling I had no time to be my own priority and nurture my soul. I used to say YES and only after looking at my deadline afterwards,...If and when we need to say no we can.
I discovered boundary work after my burnout when I was recovering from my people pleasing and perfectionist character and I started being part of Brooke Castillo Scholars program. She has an amazing podcast called: The Life Coach School Podcast (she has an episode on boundaries and I’d love to encourage you to listen to her work.
Another inspiration for me regarding boundary work is Lacy Phillips with ‘To Be Magnetic’ podcast.
I’m now passionate about helping other leaders and entrepreneurs in embracing flow by setting clear boundaries by blending strategy, science and spirituality.
Boundaries and burnout
Here are the top three things to prevent 'burnout' relating to boundaries.
Take time to check in before saying yes or no. Check the alignment with your values, your calendar, etc.
Create boundaries between work and life. Even if you work from home, you can honour the transition with rituals or visible/invisible boundaries. For me, it is about saging my space after work, packing away my laptop, turning off notifications. All about being conscious
Fill you cup / recharging your energy / raising your vibration: listen to your body, practice mindful eating, go for a walk, connect with the elements, meditation, practicing gratitude, move your body, receive a session with an energy practitioner
You need to Identify your own pattern and be prepared to feel grief
Are you in low self-worth, a recovering codependent, a people pleaser or an avoidant? If so, you may struggle to say NO.
It's common for grief to pop up around setting new boundaries as this process can mean you experience a period of shedding friends, partners, situations, belief systems or events that no longer serve you.
In doing so, it may trigger the abandonment, failed people pleasing, rejection, and shame you experienced earlier in life. This is very natural and can be very painful.
“I keep a handwritten poster in my office title: “Easy Buttons and Reset Buttons”.
On the left are all the things I do to abandon myself.
On the right are my reset buttons, the things I can do to make staying with myself a little more possible.
My reset buttons are just little things. - UNTAMED, Doyle Glennon (chapter invaders)
Final thoughts
How are you going to start setting boundaries? What do you need to do to take action. First identify where these boundaries need to be placed and then form a plan to start the process. Take it slow, don't put pressure on yourself to have it all worked out right away.
Just do little action steps to get yourself one step closer. Also, you can check out my latest podcast interview with Tracy from Mums with Hustle all about boundaries! Click here to listen.